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Short and snappy (and sometimes insulting) comebacks to use
- Guess the screwed up fairy’s visiting again.
- I like you. You were like me when I was a kid – a douchebag.
- How about never? Is that good enough?
- I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
- Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
- I’m not rude, you’re just insignificant.
- You’re validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I’ll never forget a face but in your case, I’ll make an exception.
- You’ve got two brain cells, one’s in a wheelchair, the other’s pushing.
- I like your approach, now let me see your departure.
- Thanks, we’re all refreshed by your exceptional talent.
- I’m just visualizing that tape around your mouth now.
- I see you’ve set sometime aside to humiliate yourself in public.
- People would follow him anywhere…..but only out of morbid curiosity.
- Words fail me.
- You sound reasonable, time to up the medication.
- Don’t say anything, the snark’s just getting old.
- I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
- You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
- You remind me of the ocean – you make me sick.
- You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you’ll find one.
- You really are as pretty as a picture. I know I’d love to hang you.
- This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
- If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder – it would be an apocalypse!
- You! Off my planet!
More snappy comebacks for all occasions
- You should have been born in the Dark Ages, you look terrible in the light.
- You should toss out more of your funny remarks, that’s all they’re good for.
- You started at the bottom – and it’s been downhill ever since.
- I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
- I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
- I will always cherish my initial misconceptions about you.
- It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
- You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.
- I could say nice things about you, but I would rather tell the truth.
- I know I’m talking like an idiot. I have to, otherwise, you wouldn’t understand me.
- A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.